“I define joy as a sustained sense of well being and
internal peace - a connection to what matters.”
~Oprah Winfrey
I think Oprah has the right idea, but in this season joy is often defined as something that can be obtained by more doing, more purchasing, more of meeting others' expectations. The weeks of December often turn into an exercise in survival –whether it's survival by getting it all done, or surviving the pressure and guilt we feel when we choose not to do it all. Or, surviving a society that is leaping wholeheartedly into the celebration of a holiday in which not everyone finds meaning.
Celebration is life giving. So how can we navigate the narrow territory between holiday joy and holiday stress? A key thing for me is to remember the things I'm passionate about, and allow myself to take time for those things. If I set aside my dreams in an effort to make someone else's dreams come true, not only am I shortchanging myself, but I'm underestimating the power that comes from giving attention to myself. The mystery is that when we give attention to small things, things that nurture our own spirits, our perception shifts and we are more able to access our inner wisdom when making decisions and adapting to situations as they arise. A Course in Miracles says: "There is another way of looking at this." But it's hard to see a different view when we're caught up in fear and negative thinking.
I tend to be an all or nothing thinker. The first year I decided to simplify my holidays I boycotted everything. I spent Thanksgiving serving food in a soup kitchen. I stayed home by myself on Christmas Eve, and spent New Year's Eve with a candle and a journal, determined to connect with my true self through a night of writing and introspection. Some moments of that year were deeply wonderful and memorable. A lot of it was just plain miserable. I've realized instead of making up some ideal of who I "should" be, and trying to become that in one sweeping transformation, it makes sense for me to look at my traditions and lists and expectations and ask of each one "is this really me?" As in all things, change sticks when it's in small, realistic increments. Today I will just ask myself, why am I doing this? This December I resolve to do more of the things that bring me joy, and less of the things that don't, and believe that through it all, I'm doing the best I can.
~ © 2007, Linda Firth
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©Linda Firth 2009