July 27, 2007
“Never purchase beauty products in a hardware store.”
~Miss Piggy
Americans, as a whole, are focused individuals. We have five-year goals and ten-year goals, we attend weekend retreats and graduate school, we spend our vacations at weight reduction spas and week-long creative workshops. Philosophers and those whose role it is to monitor the spiritual health of a nation, say we are also returning to church in record numbers. Sales of self-help books are soaring. As a nation, we are increasingly searching for those things that nourish our souls: peaceful spirits, meaningful relationships with our loved ones, joy, wisdom and freedom of expression. We know what we want, but do we really know where to find it?
We Westerners, more than any other culture, seek reassurance and value from external sources. Our culture, through the media, capitalizes on our competitive nature and promises to help us realize our goals. In the past, we were promised products that would improve our lives. The ads were refreshingly direct, and simply claimed to be better than the rest, or to help us be better than the rest. Smoke Marlboro and be as cool as this cowboy. Wash your clothes with Tide, and when Johnny is standing in line with all his friends, his football uniform will be the whitest, and you, his mother, will be proud. Buy this new sedan, and when you drive home from work at the end of a long day, all the families on their front porches will turn their heads in awe and admiration as you pass by. Soap was marketed for its cleaning ability, light bulbs were marketed for brightness and energy saving, shoes were marketed for style and performance - not on the treadmill, but on the feet of the sales guy who stood in them for twelve hours and then came home to dinner with the wife and kids.
Today's advertisers know we are looking for more. As our dreams and goals have progressed beyond the neighborhood and keeping up with the Joneses, the media has stepped right up with promises to fulfill. We are subtly encouraged to change our dreams, but not our ways. In effect, today's advertisers are no different than someone who says, "create a new face at our hardware store." Does that mean I can buy lipstick there? "Of course not," says the hardware store marketing team. "We mean, get a new face for your back patio, your fireplace mantle, or that ugly wall you let your mother-in-law paint for you. Everyone knows you can't buy makeup at hardware store." But do we?
In the June/July 2007 issue of my favorite magazine, I found the majority of ads link products with entirely unrelated ideas. "Happy inside" (department store), "colorful new ideas" (mascara), "People who run barefoot are not crazy" (shoe company), "let yourself go in a burst of passion", (sports apparel), and "time to communicate" (credit card). If I take this literally, I might drive to Target and buy myself a new workout outfit, pair of running shoes, and a tube of mascara, and charge it all on my VISA. I could take it one step further and come home, change into my new clothes, lace up my shoes, and apply the mascara. Does this mean I will be magically transformed into a person who is happy inside, taking time to communicate all my colorful new ideas in a burst of passion while running barefoot? Oh but wait - I'm wearing shoes. And the only thing I can imagine being passionate about in this scenario is my dislike of running. I will probably be applying my creativity to keeping the mascara from sweating into my eyes and wondering why I put in on in the first place. Between that and contemplating my ever-increasing credit-card balance, that doesn't sound very conducive to feeling happy inside.
Of course, we know better than to look for happiness in a Target store, unless we are shop-a-holics, and I don't think anyone really believes they can improve communication with their loved ones by wielding a credit card. If you are expecting to experience the freedom of running barefoot by putting on a pair of running shoes, you are seriously limiting your chances of success. The idea bears contemplating though. I know I am guilty of picking up the latest self-help book to find out about myself, because that is much easier than sitting down with myself, asking the hard questions, and really listening to the answers. It's much more interesting and distracting, not to mention less painful, to go to a workshop, than to sit with my own simmering anger and resentment about something and let it work itself out. Soon, though, I am joining the throng of spiritual seekers, credit card in hand, trying to by myself some peace, joy and happiness by distracting myself from living the moment I am currently inhabiting.
I know I want to grow spiritually. I know I am interested in experiencing peace and joy, time with those I love, and learning how to be the best and most giving loving person I can be. But if I don't take time to figure out what actions serve me in this process, I will continue to look for beauty products in hardware stores. I could spend all day driving to Lowe's, Home Depot, Ace Hardware and Supply One looking for true red lipstick and matching nail enamel. By the end of the day I will just be tired and frustrated. Not only that but, knowing myself, I will probably have picked up a fabulous bamboo leaf print flower pot that matches my living room, a new hammer, and some tool I have no use for but that was marked 90% off and looks interesting. I might come home with the new flowerpot and embark on a campaign to repot all the plants in the house. Then I will need to go back to Home Depot for some more pots, so they match, and potting soil, and fertilizer, and while I'm at it, I have always wanted a big plant for that corner over there, so maybe I'll head over to the nursery.... Soon the quest for true red lipstick and matching nail enamel, something that still calls deeply to my soul, is relegated to the time zone in no-man's land, the infamous "later". Later often becomes Never, or, worse, Forgotten.
If I know what I am seeking in life, the challenge for me is to be patient enough to take time. Time to notice what works for me and what doesn't. It would be easy toping-pong from self-help book, to motivational workshop, to yoga class, and never experience anything but surface distraction. In order to grow, first I have to stand still long enough to catch my own attention. I need to notice if I am lacing up running shoes to try and experience the freedom of running barefoot. And if I do catch myself doing that, I hope I can just laugh at myself, and try again. I know there will be many times I find myself standing in a hardware store hoping to find true-red lipstick. I also know that if I want to let myself go in a burst of passion, experience the freedom of running barefoot, and take time to communicate, I not only already have everything I need - I was born with it. All I have to do is show up in the moment, and give myself permission to use what I already have. We don't need a hardware store to fix ourselves. All the beauty is right inside, and, if we choose, we can be open twenty four hours a day, seven days a week.
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